#and he appreciates a good line dance song ever since living in Texas

[harumscarumcos]

Peter: I wonder what he’s listening to

Ben: idk but he looks really focused, like super intense

Kaine, with EarPods in: 🎶🎵this ain’t Texas🎵🎶

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

what kind of hobbies do the papas and copia have?

(Trying to get into bullet point format rather than JUST paragraphs for multiple points- let me know how this reads! Feedback always appreciated!)

Papa Nihil: 

~One of the biggest hobbies we have seen Nihil do is dip into jazz, especially with his saxophone! He has been playing for years, and is well versed in a few different instruments; but the saxophone is his indisputable favorite. He’s always bemoaned he never made a Jazz album. Even with his lungs, Nihil refuses to put down the instrument. Yes, he loved to sing, but Nihil feels so much more personal connection when playing an instrument. There is something very fulfilling about it! 

~ Nihil absolutely loves anything to do with horror movies or vintage films! Believe it or not, he’s always had a taste with analyzing horror films no matter how b-rated or cheesy. It’s something he has always done with Imperator since the 70′s. Ever since VHSes were invented, he has started a VERY big collection of horror movies. Chances are he has seen every single one of them at least twice. Nihil’s favorites are the Omen and other Satanist based films. 

~The Grand Papa has a small bit of a gambling streak, namely with dice or cards. If there is one way to get Nihil to play ANYTHING with you, it’s having a fresh deck of cards just waiting to be split! Nihil is always down for ‘sweetening the deal’ and playing for actual money (or hard candies.) Loves poker, Texas hold em, and anything you can win a pot in! Honestly, he’s so good you might as well not count on winning a giant pile of werther’s originals. Nihil wins EVERY time! Will also DESTROY anyone in Uno.

Papa I:

~No one is surprised by this, but his religious studies are his #1 hobby. Papa never gets sick of learning about his own religion, or that of others. The man eats, breathes, thinks, and LIVES Lucifer. It’s a way of life. Find a job you love and you never work a day in your life- that’s what Papa gets to live! He has thousands of papers of notes and has even published his own journal articles and books! 

~Calligraphy is his special hidden talent, and he is DAMN good at it! It was something he picked up when he was younger and really nurtured during his Seminary times. A lot of the newer official Clergy documents are actually penned by Papa himself! He has a very steady hand the undying patience to do some very intricate work. If you look in his office he has tons of the old fashioned pens and ink wells. Chances are, if you get a document written in such fine cursive it was probably made by Papa! 

~ Papa has a green thumb and love of gardening. You typically won’t see him in the Ministry gardens, but he has his own little make shift green house. As a magic and witch craft practitioner, you need a lot of good ingredients. Lots of herbs and other banes as well. So Papa had to learn how to husband specialty plants with very specific needs. He has time tables and measuring cups for all his individually potted plants! 

Papa II: 

~Besides partying and hooking up, if you count those? This usually surprises a lot of people, but he enjoys cooking! He’s actually a very accomplished chef! Granted, Papa is SUPER picky about which recipes, ingredients, AND equipment he will use- but he loves getting to cook. Papa’s favorite meals are a lot of traditional Italian dishes but with modern twists. If he so desired, he’d make himself an eight course meal and it would be flawless to the last bite! 

~ Along with his cooking he likes to do anything with wine. Mainly quality vintages and sampling them to pair with meals. He has traveled to MANY vineyards in his free time and has a HUGE collection that’s only rivaled by Papa III! It’s actually something they have done together growing up! Papa has even helped make his own, but very few know about it. He’s waiting for the bottles to age before he even samples his own creation.

~The man bare knuckle boxes. He has since he was a boy, and is actually a formidable opponent! As he has aged he doesn’t partake as MUCH and rather view professional matches. But don’t let him being out of practice fool you. He was known for breaking noses and a killer knock out punch! 

Papa III:

~ Papa actually has a real love of reading and poetry when the mood strikes him. Not a lot of people peg him to be super into anything quiet and deep, but he has a fondness for both! Papa is actually very talented in poem writing and prose of all sorts (I mentioned before he actually helped write a LOT of songs.) His favorite novels are an odd lot, but he enjoys the classics like everyone else. The more engaging and interesting the better.

~I mentioned in the pet post how Papa horse back rides, but that’s not his only favorite sport. He’s a sucker for fencing! Back in his 20′s he actually met a fencing instructor that taught him a few moves and tricks of the trade, and he’s been hooked ever since! He’s not a power house like Papa II, so it was a good sport to help him learn to fight in a different way. Papa will also gladly admit he feels like a fantasy prince in a story book when he wields his blade! 

~Say what you want about his suit in ‘He Is’ but Papa is a self proclaimed fashionista! Papa has always been a lover of all types of art, but fashion has a special place in his heart. It’s why he was so adamant about his dead astaire suit! If you catch him out of his regalia or suit, he usually has something very stylish on. Picks everything out from his socks, watch, shirt, and even sun glasses. It’s very fun to make yourself a walking piece of art with such fine looks! 

Cardinal Copia: 

~You get a glimpse of two of his favorite hobbies in the ‘Rats’ video- ballet/dancing and horse back riding! Copia doesn’t really dance as much on stage, but he has been classically trained since he was a young man. Copia never did anything with it besides keeping in shape and doing it for fun. He jokes he could probably do the entirety of ‘Swan Lake’ if he so wished. But who has time for that when you’re only head lining YOUR OWN TOUR?

~Horseback riding is his other favorite, and one he has been trained in for YEARS. Copia doesn’t have as much time to practice or head to the stable these days. It used to be a more active hobby for him, thanks to the opportunities given to him by his rank and pay. Sometimes he yearns to go back to it. Never considered himself a competitive rider and just really enjoyed the thrill of it. 

 ~Since he’s so busy Copia sticks to his intellectual hobbies. Namely reading, puzzles, and languages. He’s particularly fond of studying dead or difficult languages, and prides in how many he knows! Right now his biggest study is in Ghoulish, though with slow progress. IT definitely helps he’s stuck on tour with SEVEN ghouls! Copia can now say a few words and phrases in Ghoulsih (though his ghouls laugh at his ‘human accent’.)

[huangels]

eleven questions tag ☼

tagged by: @lstkpopflsgood ty babe !

rules: answer the eleven questions if you’re tagged, and then list another set of eleven questions for the people you tag to answer!

⇢ What do you think it could win on a battle: Water or Fire?

ever since i was little, i’ve ALWAYS wanted to touch fire…and i have once (well almost). i stuck my hands into a fire place when i was like 5 y/o ? but my mom saved me before my hand can touch the fire. anyway, weird ass story aside, i love fire but i guess it depends on the amount. like if there was an equal amount of both elements, then maybe water would win but it all comes down to the science of it because if the amount of fire is vast and of high enough temperature enough, it can evaporate the water quickly into steam which means it wins. but if there’s a small fire and a whole firetruck (wHOOP WHOOP) hose then of course the water wins. i would call it a draw, both elements are super powerful.

⇢ What do you love and hate the most? and why?

love — ok you’d think i’m exaggerating but i’m gonna say renjun. he’s my bias for a reason, he’s my ult of all ults foR A REASON. of course i mean he’s maybe not the thing i love MOST in the world but there’s just so much to love and appreciate i have for renjun. he’s beautiful and ethereal, he has so many cute features about him, like his snaggletooth (rip), and his dimple, and the two front teeth that kinda stick out, and his birthmark/mole on his hand. he’s also amazingly talented and caring (even when putting members in chokeholds). i just love him so much :’)

hate — hate is a strong word and i like to live my life without using the word hate too much so there isn’t really anything that i hate but for the sake of this question and this tag, i would say that i dislike slow walkers (maybe not the most but) they’re really annoying, especially if they’re walking in the middle of the sidewalk or hallway like hELLO people (me) have places to go.

⇢ Do you thing it’s really necessary for us to live with another person? To have a couple life?

honestly, there are many people that live their life without a significant other (wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend), so no i don’t think it’s necessary. a person can find love within other people and things without having to date or marry anyone. for example, love shared by friendship or families or pets or hobbies even. i mean it’s different for everyone too, some want the love shared in a romantic relationship. but it’s definitely not necessary to have a significant other. it’s whatever makes one happy that they should pursue it.

⇢ Are animals better than humans?

i don’t know if they are any better but they aren’t any worse than humans. of course, some might think that yes, animals are better and have more morals or something but that’s mostly because we have yet to discover or invent technology to understand animals. so it seems as if they are portrayed to be pure and innocent though it is nature and predators feed on prey and prey feed on plants that are needed for oxygen. so i don’t really know the answer but i do know that humans are corrupt in a way that animals are not.

⇢ Do you have a favorite something? If yes, what is it and why?

this is so broad my three brain cells are working hard to try to find an answer but i’ve got nothing so i’m gonna be boring and say my favorite animal is a dog bc they are precious and pure and deserve the world

⇢ What is your favorite music? Why?

i don’t particularly have a favorite genre of music, i mostly listen to what sounds pleasing to my ears ? but i do have a ‘style’ of music that i lean towards more and that is more pumped up/groovy/funky/unique/etc songs (ex: romance - shinee, fallin - mx, get it - tbz, monday blues - cbx, pretty boy - taemin, thunder - exo, etc.) it might seem like a weird description but basically songs that aren’t too slow or too fast, songs that have unique beats or melodies or lyrics. i don’t particularly like slow sad songs because it makes me kinda…sad ? like if i listen to sad or slow music, i just get emotional and think too much idk anyway. i prefer more upbeat songs because it’s like a dance party everywhere i go. (i still listen to sad music anyway bc [REAL EMO HOURS] also listen to baby by the rose thnx)

⇢ If you read, what is your favorite book?

i’m gonna be quite honest here…i haven’t read a book that i wanted to read (like picked out at the library or bought) in like years… i’ve just haven’t had the time to read books lately and the books i do read are for my classes or for reports that i didn’t particularly pick out for myself. but from the books i’ve read through my life, i really enjoy reading mysteries, thrillers, and sci-fi books. a good favorite of mine is ‘american pyscho’ (i love really fucked up shit i’m weird don’t judge) but i also like the book ‘the bell jar’ (also kinda fucked up story). i guess that’s what prompted me in my interest in writing mysteries or thrillers but i don’t have much experience in it so i’ll stick with fluffy short fics for now

⇢ Where do you would like to visit/live in?

i really looooove traveling !! though i haven’t traveled to that many places, i’d love to visit literally everywhere, doesn’t matter if there’s barely anything to do. living wise, if we’re being realistic, probably texas because real estate is cheaper and basically everything is cheaper, but if we’re pushing money and bills aside, probably back to china, up north somewhere idk lol ?

⇢ What is your zodiac sign? Talk a little about it and say if it fits you or not.

my zodiac is scorpio, and honestly i don’t know much about astrology except for the sprinkles of zodiac posts i see on instagram or tumblr sometimes. but from what i’ve seen around, scorpios are supposed to be sex driven, mysterious, cold, and bitchy, and i don’t think i fit into any of those traits lol. but my friend, who’s a big astrology nerd, says that my appearance is the LITERAL definition of a scorpio (idk what he meant so i just went along with it). i mean i guess i get it kinda ? bc my outer appearance is kinda cold and i’ve been told i have a resting bitch face so if i don’t smile then i look angry or mean (so i try to smile more now heh). but if there’s any other traits you guys know about scorpios, feel free to tell me bc i’d like to know !

⇢ What you think it’s your funniest moment til now?

my life is just a big fat boring so this took a while to think of (idk if this is the funniest bc i have the memory of a goldfish) but recently about a few weeks ago, i went to this cafe to have lunch with my friend and as we were eating my fucking statistics professor came in and my friend points it out to me. i didn’t know if i should say hi or not bc i didn’t know if she knows who i even am (bc i rarely attended that class since attendance wasn’t mandatory and math is my good subject) so i just ignored her. then she sat down at the table RIGHT NEXT TO MINE and then the fucking TA’s for the stats lab joined her and it was just hella awkward bc i think the TA’s remember me (long story short i was late for my final bc a bitch slept in and i basically begged while knocking continuously on the window for the TA to let me into the lab to take the final and they did eventually) so anyway i think they remembered me but i still didn’t want to say hi. my professor got up later and i thought they were gonna leave and i can finally breathe but then SHE FUCKING WALKS UP TO OUR TABLE AND ASKS MY FRIEND IF SHE CAN TAKE A PHOTO OF HER AND THE TA’S and at that point, i was about to scream. so my friend took the photo and i STILL didn’t say hi even though i SHOULD’VE then. and the whole thing was a mess and it wasn’t funny then but looking back at it now, i’m laughing my damn ass off at myself

⇢ Milk before cereals or cereals before milk?

if you pour your milk before your cereal, i’m gonna push you down a well and leave you there to rot

questions for you:

what is the first memory you remember? like from birth or when you were young?

what is the line between art and not art?

what job would you be terrible at? why?

what is your zodiac sign? talk a little about it and say if it fits you or not.

when people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?

what age do you wish you could permanently be? why?

who is you ideal boy/girl? describe him/her if you can’t think of a person (list physical traits and characteristic traits).

what’s the most annoying question people ask you? why do you find it annoying? how do you usually answer them?

can money = happiness?

as the only human left on earth, what would you do?

what is your guilty pleasure? why is it your guilty pleasure and what sparked it to be your guilty pleasure?

tagging: @ohdaddy-nct @jaeehyuns @hyucko @jencto @jeno-screaming (only if you guys want to !! ) + anyone else who wants to do it :^]

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story Part 61

I remember the first days I left school as a sort of blur, but at the same time – had a clarity to them. I no longer was burdened with the aching feeling that I had to be anywhere, or that I was failing some class, or I had to worry about someone seeing me in a negative light. I was free now. In a way at least. I wasn't the ball of fire I had promised myself it would be. That I found out pretty quickly. I didn't ambitiously start the rock band or get famous. But I slept when I wanted to – and was finally able to get enough sleep (I had been averaging four hours a night on school days for the last six years), and I got up when I wanted to. There was an ease off my shoulders. I felt like I was experiencing things for the first time.

It was raining for days on end I remember. And despite the alleviated feeling, I also felt this tremendous sadness. Perhaps I would not have been so sad had my leaving school had happened under my own terms. Because as it was, I did honestly feel forgotten about. I would look out the window sometimes and see my classmates, books still in hand. And I knew they all had some kind of future lined out. They were going to college, or getting married or taking on the family business. They had some kind of support. I was some kind of forgotten person hiding away in my father's old home, looking down from the second story onto the street. I felt a bit like Quasi Moto alienated and separate from the rest. Sarah left a day or two later for Texas, and she would not be moving back for three very long years. It was a sad goodbye – but oddly mundane. There is no way to truly know how to say goodbye to someone. So we said it much like one of us were going to be gone for only a week. It was probably the only way we knew how to communicate. Neither of us would know what would be coming next.

My notion of time changed considerably. In a way it was good. School had indeed stifled my creativity, pickled me in self doubt and incessant anxiety that spun me in circles. As soon as I left school for instance, my complexion cleared up entirely. I would never know myself in that environment – for when I was in school a great many of my thoughts were reactionary and based on panic and self loathing. Stepping out of it, and knowing that I would never be going back changed the way I saw what living was meant to be, and my place in it – or not in it so to speak. I would sometimes just sit quietly and listen to the sound of cars, of things dripping around me, to my own heartbeat. Somewhere along the lines between age five and seventeen, I had lost something subtle but all encompassing. I had lost the ability to really appreciate minute details. And I no longer saw myself as the center of the universe.

The depression I felt caused me to sleep a lot. I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor, wrapped in blankets, sleeping, eating and reading. I remember I would listen to Beck's Sea Change, sometimes skipping to 'Lost Cause'. Or I would listen to Mark Lanegan's The Winding Sheet. Before Alex left, I had listened to John Lennon's 'Plastic Ono Band', and I had instantly loved that album, so I scraped the money together to buy it. Working Class Hero was now my favorite song. That or God, or Love. That album defined a lot of what I felt and thought about. I just laid there on the floor coming to terms with this new reality for myself. There was nowhere for me to be, nobody who wanted to see me, and no where for me to go. I lived inside my own mind. And what was I? I took walks at night on occasion. I didn't really want people in town to see me. Everything in town was totally closed by six or seven at night. Allison and David would come  home from school to tell me about their days at school in a lively fashion – which usually involved teachers being ridiculous and mean towards the both of them, some of it stuff I had gone through, and some of it their own stuff that I could not directly relate to. I would listen intently and try to make sense of it all in a way I had wished someone had done with me when I had been their ages. We played card games on the floor, mostly rummy, me in my ball of blankets on the floor with a cd playing, as it rained outside and we tended to the fire in the fireplace.

My father received money from insurance to fix his sports car after the car crash he had in Spokane. Tanya and my father split up soon after – which, given how often these split ups were beginning to happen I wondered if it really meant all that much to him – he seemed upset, but it wasn't like he had been with Patti. It was far more like his pride was hurt. He bragged a lot about how much he didn't need a girlfriend, but still spent hours a day talking to women he met online. He never went more than a week after one break up before going to the next. Most of them I wouldn't even call break ups since they never met. They would just talk on the phone for a few hours a night for four months and then it would immediately stop. Obviously my father wasn't dealing with anything. Something in life had greatly disappointed him and he wanted a quick fix. He wasn't mentally stable and it made me nervous. Not that anything truly terrible happened towards me like it had when I was fourteen. It mostly made you feel kind of sick if you saw the thing happening for what it was. And it might have been just me in that camp. I am the only person who really knows my father – and I know he had this well of misery that he would do anything to not have to look at.

My father decided on changing the car's original color of white, to black instead. Though, this put him over the money he had gotten back - so he decided to try painting the car himself instead as it would be a lot cheaper that way, and he asked me to help him. He knew only a minimal amount about how to paint cars, and obviously I knew nothing. He borrowed this guy's garage at the end of town. It was cliché fall. There were orange leaves all over the sidewalk. It felt good to be outdoors doing stuff. We both spent the day masking the car, around the windows and so forth. The Arctic Monkeys had just come out with 'I Bet You Look Good On the Dance Floor' which played every hour, and I guess at the time I hated it. We laughed about things. It was for the most part, one of my more positive memories of him.

The problem we ran into when painting the car was that, in North Idaho (I don't know if this happens elsewhere), there is about a five day period when the world as we know it is awash with these tiny gnats. They aren't born with mouths – as their lifespans are so short there is no point in them evolving to eat. They just bump into each other, mate and die and the birds eat them. There are so many of them that it's hard to walk around outside. They end up dying in these piles by the trees, and then the birds come and gobble them up. There is no escape. If you walk out there, they get caught in your hair. You most likely end up swallowing them if you open your mouth to speak. And of course, they landed on the painted car. We managed to sort of keep them off the drying paint, but it was no easy task, and for that reason there were occasional bumps here and there in the paint job that would otherwise have been so-so.

I watched this very good movie by the director Jim Jarmusch called Broken Flowers, which is a brilliant film, and there is a song by Holly Golightly called 'There Is An End' that is featured in the movie that is no less brilliant. It played in my thoughts a lot. It's still a great song. There was something about the feeling of autumn 07' that to me was encompassed in the feeling of that tune that brings me back. That, and Peggy Sue by Buddy Holly. For three days, I had Peggy Sue stuck in my head.

I seemed to find myself on MySpace more and more. It had grown on me in the half of a year I had an account. It was beginning to be almost like a place where I lived in some ways. I loved working on my page to make it look decent. I spent hours finding good backgrounds, picking out good fonts, organizing my lists of interests. I loved searching through other people's pages, realizing how many interesting people in the world existed who had lives out there somewhere, and even more interesting, how everyone is linked. I spent one night clicking on friends of friends of friends. This onward march through people lead me to places in Africa, to Russia, to South America. And eventually, it lead to someone who lived in the small town about ten miles away from where I lived. This really got me to thinking about how everyone coexisted with one another. In some ways I felt incredibly alienated and lonely, but in other ways, I could say it was the firs time I ever felt a 'part' of the world. I lived in. And everyone had something to say, something to show me. Everyone was able to define and express themselves.

I started 'friending' people and I found myself confronted with countercultures I had never even known existed that opened my mind about how I thought about things. I discovered the beatnik generation through MySpace. I discovered the dadaist movements, I discovered communists, drag queens and countless other options of thinking I hadn't even understood were options. I found every outsider group there was. I even sifted through and found the creeps that would end up being the alt-right. Back then the group was smaller, but it was growing. And I started comparing people and ideas in a way I hadn't been able to do. It was because I was exposed to these different people that I found Charles Bukowski. It was due to people on MySpace that I grew to realize that being gay was not a choice, and that denying two people who love each other the right to marry was fucked up. It drastically changed my opinion on a lot of ideas that I had. Probably just as much as school did. And I was able to get a lot of feedback from my art. I got more feedback from MySpace than I did from tumblr and deviantart combined. Of course, none of these people were true friends because we never spoke outside the website. A few years later, MySpace died and facebook took over – which gave me more exposure to my extended family, but did very little for connecting me to anyone. A lot of these encouraging pals and online audience of mine whom I relied on disappeared – though I had a sneaking suspicion that I now probably follow some of them on tumblr. I had at my peak, close to 100,000 'friends.'

I was technically very stuck in Kendrick as I couldn't drive and no longer had any tangible friendships. But having this exposure to all these ideas and people from all over the world really opened things up for me. It really amazed me that all of these accounts were more or less ran by individuals. They were real people who were searching for the same things in life that I was. Someone living in Ohio, or even somewhere like South Africa was no longer thousands of miles away. There was a way to reach out and connect with them – to share ideas and such. What's more, I didn't have to shake hands or be a bucket of charm in order to get people to like me. I could express myself with my poetry, my ability to correlate information, and my aesthetic eye for coordinating artwork and showing my own. I could write them. And there was a sort of high to it for me, and it's a high I don't exactly feel all that ashamed of. Every morning I would wake up and have new messages and I would feel a thrill in seeing that there were new messages under everything I did. It became a high point of my day. For someone like me who always felt overpowered and overshadowed, or if I did manage to stand out to people I was a spectacle more than a person, it was relieving to finally feel acknowledged and understood. Of course half of them were 'CHECK OUT MY NEW BAND!!' but some of them were people who had read and really thought about what I had to say and wanted to express their ability to relate to me.

I started gravitating towards philosophy. Overtime, it became my primary interest, because it seemed to encompass everything in the world, and the essence of what I enjoyed and thought about. I wanted to reach some kind of higher state of truth. At night, when everyone else had eaten dinner watched a movie and went to bed, I would sneak down to the computer and begin reading wikipedia pages. I would click on everything I didn't know about. I did this every night for about a year straight. For this reason, I have a strange sort of understanding of philosophy in some ways, while in other ways I do not. Having a teacher can really help break complex ideas down in a way that is easier to apply to life. A lot of the writing was over my head. However, I took what I could from it, and I read and read anyway as the essence of these debates mattered so much to me. So in some strange way, I do have a familiarity with a  lot of academic philosophical concepts and ideas as well as some of the basic arguments for and against, but in another way, I am severely lacking. YouTube has been helpful in filling in my misunderstandings in more recent years. Secretly, I really wanted a philosophy degree at the time, but I didn't like the idea of going back to school. I also didn't like the idea of being a teacher. And then there was the fact that both my father and mom seemed to very much discourage me from getting a degree in philosophy. My father implied that if I was going out to pursue that, then he was not going to support me. My dad outright didn't like philosophy. He didn't see how the scientific method pertained to concepts that you couldn't physically touch, and he equated philosophy to religion and thought of me as being some kind of religious quack. It kind of disappoints me a little bit that I didn't end up going to school at seventeen and trying for a degree anyway. My life might have gone a lot differently. I would have that degree now, and I could have gone on and got another one. It would have helped me in the long run, and it was a passion of mine that I wish I had not been shamed into thinking was pointless. Life is fleeting and we should fill it with what matters to us.

I ended up buying philosophy books when I could. I got this book that had a collection of existentialist writings, and I guess at the time I naively saw myself as an existentialist – but I think that was mostly because it was one of the few books I had. I really liked the concept of free will, and I felt myself twisting with a bias towards wanting to believe that 100% free will existed. Free will is actually a very difficult thing to provide evidence for scientifically, philosophically, and psychologically. So to a degree, with the mounting arguments against free will, I started clinging to it defensively, and was actively seeking some means of not getting rid of this preconceived notion. Existentialism lays some of it's groundwork in the idea of libertarian free will (not the political libertarian), at least some of the thinkers who wrote existentialist writing seemed to have the notion that free will existed (not all), and for that reason too, considering myself an existentialist was favorable. Which obviously wasn't very straightforward but meant something about me and how I operated back then. Sometimes as well, I would call myself an absurdist when I was feeling cynical about life. I felt like I was sifting through so much philosophy that in the end none of it was definitive, and it was hard to feel like little old me was even capable of truly knowing anything. It's very easy in the modern era to have an absurdist mentality. Back in the dark ages, truth seemed very simple and obvious. God and Satan were real and everywhere. Death was always around the corner. It all made sense in this strange – what I now see as psychotic- sort of way. It's hard to make sense of the postmodern era.

I found Zack's sister Whitney online. She was still dating Melissa's (Zack's ex) older brother Josh. I felt this kinship with her, though I seldom reached out to her at all. I noticed that when I got into something, sort of specific, she was into the same things as well. I began calling myself an existentialist, and at the same time she was reading Jean-Paul Sartre's Being and Nothingness. She loved Bob Dylan as much as me. She painted these GLORIOUS murals. I do not capitalize lightly. Her art was amazing. It stretched my imagination. It was psychedelic in many ways. She had this painting, I think she called it 'When the Sky Makes Love to the Sea.' It really felt like this epic gorgeous intangible ethereal reality of being in love. She was sort of a surrealist, but it was more broken up than that. She often times would make these swirling complex designs that encompassed reality. She clearly saw colors in much the same way I did – but in a lot of ways for more. I was jealous. Not in a resentful way or in a defeated kind of way, but in a way that I clearly saw that she had gotten to a way of expressing herself that I did not possess. Obviously I had more work to do. She seemed unaffected by the world around her. She was also gorgeous. I wanted to become her friend.

The problem though with wanting to become her friend was that, even though it seemed like we had a lot in common, she did a lot of drugs. Her life seemed mostly centered on whoever she was dating – which seemed to change every three months or so. She would date Josh for awhile. Then she would seem obsessed with some other guy, and then suddenly that guy would be gone again and it was Josh. Furthermore, she had friends, and they all drank and smoked weed all day. It wasn't something I necessarily wanted to do, or could do. I knew that if I started using drugs that my father would disown me. I needed to stay grounded, else I wouldn't be there for Allison and David. Furthermore, the prospect of reaching out and asking if I could hang out with her was very stress inducing for me. I couldn't find the words to say much beyond a compliment of a painting of hers or two. I felt like I was stalking, and I guess I probably was. I would go to her boyfriend's MySpace page a lot too, Josh. He mostly seemed to like talking cryptically. He quoted Robert Anton Wilson and had a chaos symbol as his picture. In real life, he was on the smallish side, dressed casually but wore an occasional button up, had wavy brown hair that he kept relatively short. He wore thick glasses. I put many of the books he claimed to read on my reading list. He seemed to like Chuck Palahniuk quite a bit. He seemed like someone you wouldn't notice at a grocery store at first glance, but if you looked in his eyes there was something quite a bit different about him compared to other people. I had never seen him in person. I had only these pictures – but I could tell there was something very intriguing about him.

I learned by stalking Whitney's MySpace with dismay that Zack had started dating this girl Valerie. It seems like shortly after he had tried to reach out to me, he had started to date her instead. She had been the other girl who Zack had his arm wrapped around back in the summer of 03' on the benches outside of the grocery store the day before school. How fitting. I had no reason to dislike Valerie. She had never done anything wrong to me. She seemed rather simple in a lot of ways. It was strange, because she almost looked like Zack, super blonde, a very elegant and plain face. A simple and thin body frame. They matched one another. Sometimes I saw Valerie out by the bike path taking a jog. I never saw Zack with her on her jogs. It seemed weird to see her out there in the distance jogging – she was around Zack quite a bit. And somehow I never got to see him.

I was always caught in this in between state. Was I waiting for Zack to someday come back to me? Hadn't he sort of promised in this weird way? What had his letter said that I never received.? I felt cheated, and partially I had cheated myself by not allowing myself to feel my real feelings. I felt tired of living a lie. I felt that part of my problem had been holding onto this secret that I was still in love with Zack. So I decided to come clean to Sarah. It would be easier, since she was now adjusting to her life in Texas, and I wouldn't have to look her in the face and tell her. So I wrote her this letter, and told her the truth. That I had never actually stopped loving Zack at all. I had just hid it from her. She took awhile to write me back. Several days in fact, which was strange. She didn't have a job yet – and I knew she read all my letters. When she finally did respond, she sort of shrugged it off. She said something along the lines that what I said was weird, and then proceeded to not talk about it – which was strange. She sidestepped my entire letter, which I had personally seen as being quite confessional and serious to me. I had fully expected her to be surprised and have a lot of questions, but instead she seemed inclined to almost pretend I had not said anything. I was slightly embarrassed to have told her, so I didn't say anything more about it for quite some time.

I hadn't had my period in over a year, and I had gained a lot of weight that summer. I guess it must have been related to the stress of having an ear infection. I know I hadn't really enjoyed much of what I had eaten. I told my dad about me not having a period, and so I got an appointment to go back to the doctor in relation to my lack of a normal cycle and the weight gain. I was of course hesitant to go, but the doctor I had seen the previous year had left the hospital, and the new doctor was this younger woman. I really liked her. I've never had a doctor who made me feel as though my health mattered as much as her. She asked me for some of my symptoms. I told her what I normally ate. Furthermore, I got my blood drawn. I not only didn't eat for the time that you aren't supposed to eat when you are getting your blood checked, but I didn't eat for an additional day, and when I did, it was a bunch of lightly steamed vegetables and plain fish. I believe my father didn't want me to have anything wrong with my blood sugar levels.

But even with that additional day of starvation, drinking only water, and the super plain healthy meal I had had a day and a half before the check up, my blood sugar was incredibly high. It didn't make very much sense to me. I had insulin resistance according to my doctor with a high likelihood of getting diabetes, and she sat down and explained to me what it was. Having answered all of her questions, she told me what she thought. She said she strongly suspected that I had PCOS. She didn't judge me, and actually seemed like she really wanted to help me get the diagnosis that I needed. She rolled her eyes when I told her what the other doctors had said about me. She seemed to fully grasp why losing weight for me was so much harder than it was for other people. You can look it up, but basically there is something wrong with my ovaries, and my endocrine system, and the hormones in my body weren't even and it causes people to lose weight and is associated with mental illness, and a number of other symptoms. It really is more or less a collection of symptoms. To be sure, I had to go get an ultrasound, which showed that I indeed had a bunch of tiny cysts all over my ovaries.

I had one more doctor's appointment where they needed to do more tests on me. Then she was going to get me on some pills that helped with a great deal of the symptoms. I remember my doctor taking my father to the hallway for the conversation about my health and about the outcome of the tests. I didn't hear them talking. After that was all through, and I was dressed and such, we quietly left the building. As we were driving home from the hospital, my father was very quiet. He eventually started talking. Basically, he told me that this condition I had was too expensive for him. He felt that what the doctors were doing was some kind of racket. Then he started talking to me in this strange voice. He told me that according to the tests results, the doctor didn't want to tell me this, but there was nothing they could do for me anyway. I was just unlucky. He told me I was going to get fatter and fatter, sicker and sicker. And I would most likely be dead before I hit age forty.

Looking back, I think my father was lying about most of this. PCOS is not a condition that can be treated and recovered from, however there is a lot that people can do to offset the outcome, particularly when it is caught early like mine was. Doctors cannot just predict your death like that though for this condition. It's not how it works. I think my father was being selfish – he didn't want to pay to be diagnosed, he didn't want to be responsible for getting me medication – one of them being birth control – which he always frowned on in this right wing kind of way, and I site this situation as the worst thing he has ever done to me. I never got the help I needed. This also gave him the opportunity to use my weakness against me. He wanted me to believe I was going to die so that I never left. He was really particular about me never being independent. Sometimes he would scream at me in the coming years for being pathetic, not having a job and so forth. For a few weeks at a time he would occasionally give me the impression he was going to help me learn to drive, or get a job. But then he would stop helping me and it would all fall apart.

He wanted me to give up hope. And it sort of worked. It sort of made me crazy too. Because for the next two or three years, I thoroughly believed I was going to die, no matter what I did. I had nobody, and whatever I did was mostly pointless. I soon gave up ever truly believing I was going to leave. I was trapped. Trapped in a body that had turned against me with a particularly short expiration date. I was trapped in the house, trapped in Kendrick. This had a huge impact on me. I knew in my mind that I would never experience what it meant to be in love, or to go many places. There was always MySpace, but that would be as far as it went. Sometimes I would let myself forget about this whole issue for a month of two. I called Sarah, but she was distant. I think to her, forty was still a long ways. She tried to act like it was fine since I was still technically a teenager and she couldn't imagine being forty, so it didn't matter. She wasn't really ready emotionally or maturity wise to help me face that reality, so I did so alone. She was far off in another place, and she had her own life to contend with.

I stopped crying. I didn't cry for years. I lived through books, and through the lives of my younger brother and sister. I would often read about three novels a week. I became a communist, but I didn't tell anyone – so I thought about the social order of the world along those terms. It was my only defense mechanism from having to think about myself. To my younger brother and sister, I was their fat older sister who was always home – and without consciously realizing it, they saw my existence as a sort of homeostasis for the family. Nobody questioned what I was doing with my life, or why I had no goals. Nobody asked me how I felt, or anything about myself. I learned to mold myself into whatever other people wanted me to be, as self defense. It didn't seem particularly meaningful for me to have goals for myself, seeing as my life was going to be short and painful and my father would most likely dangle the carrot without letting me actually get ahead anyway. At best, it was humbling as I was basically living the opposite life to what most people my age were doing. Most of them were out driving around, feeling young and alive. Partying, sleeping around, exploring the world in this dynamic way that I could never be apart of. And here I was, contemplating man's place in the universe, the social order and society as a whole, and the inevitability of death. I saw myself as extremely impermanent.

What mattered more was always the big picture for humanity as a whole – things that mattered long after people came and went. It hurt to even think in terms of myself in the first person. I stopped even thinking the word I or me. It's very hard for me to explain what that is like, to just not consider yourself in your own thought process. Plus, with my parents ego, and all the competing egos of my family, I didn't feel like there was a lot of room for my own. Because if I dusted it off, and I decided to act like they did, I knew it would be destructive. Occasionally it happened, and it never worked out in my favor. So I withdrew into a sort of shell, and I stayed that way for a long time. Secretly though, I held onto these weird little hopes. When I was by myself, I occasionally had images of myself as thin and beautiful and happy. I imagined Zack would someday come back, and there would be this day someday down the road where my troubles would be over and I would have friends again. That hope hid between the lines of the books I read. It was in the romances of the characters in books, the bravery. Reading was a way for me to both escape, and to find the words to express what I was feeling. But I rarely let myself have hope. Hope meant getting hurt. And I didn't want my anyone, including myself knowing I still had hope.

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[hornsbeforehalos]

Anytime, Sweetheart: Part 19

Pairing: JDM x OFC, Slight Corey Taylor x OFC Features: Ackles & Padalecki Families, R2, Misha Collins & Vicky Vantoch, Norman Reedus, Andrew Lincoln, Kim Rhodes, Briana Buckmaster, Ruth Connell, Corey Taylor and other cast members & OFCs* *THIS IS AN RPF FIC**

Series Masterlist Summary: (I’m horrible at summaries, but let me try): Kylin Ackles runs to her brother’s house after leaving her abusive boyfriend of 3 years, where she meets Jeffrey. Events unfold that bring them together, as well as push them apart. Warnings: Emotional abuse, Physical Violence, mentions of rape, cursing, drinking, recreational drug use (weed), Strip Club, RPF, NSFW**, GIFs, implied smut, Age Difference, Slow burn, Emotional rollercoaster, poorly written smutt, etc… 18+ please

(A/N: This is strictly a work of fiction that I came up with off the top of my head. For fictional purposes his S/O & Son are not mentioned. I love him and his little family, though, so no hate intended. This is the first time posting anything on Tumblr, but I couldn’t get it out of my head since my ao3 fic is currently on hiatus because writers block. Feedback is appreciated. unbetaed, all mistakes are mine.) TAGS: @jml509 @jesbakescookies @daddy-kink-confirmed @aquivercactus  @xagateophobiax @sorenmarie87 @missghoul18@jdmfanfiction @jeffreydeanneganstrash @through-thesilver-lining@beffyblueeyes @docharleythegeekqueen

   "I FEEL NO SHAME, I’M PROUD OF WHERE I CAME FROM, I WAS BORN & RAISED IN THE BOOOONDOCKSSSSSSS" I sang loudly, dancing around Jensen’s trailer as I cleaned it up for him, ignoring the sound of the door opening as I continued to prance around

   "-And here we have you’re lovely girlfriend, Jeff, putting on a show for us in Jensen’s trailer,“ Misha laughed, holding his iPad up over his face as he walked into the small living room area.    "WHAT? Dmitri!” I screeched, snatching the tablet away from him as fast as I could and turning it around to face the screen.

Sure enough, there was Jeff, laughing his fucking ass off.

   "Shut your fucking mouth, Morgan. You too, Collins,“ I snapped, eyes darting from the man laughing on the screen to the mean laughing on the couch, "Fuck you both.”    Misha raised a finger to say something, but thought better of it with the scowl I shot him and kept his mouth closed. “Never took you for a country girl, darlin’.” “I’m from Texas, Jeffrey.” “Touche.” “What are you doing talking to Misha, anyway?”    "Well, I tried to call my girlfriend about 10 fuckin’ times, but it seems like someone didn’t want to answer their phone.“    I quirked an eyebrow and walked over to where my phone sat on the counter. Sure enough, I had 9 missed phone calls and 5 unread texts. "Sorry, babe. Got distracted with cleaning Jensen’s nasty ass trailer.” “Why are you cleaning his shit? He’s a grown man with a wife.”    "I was bored, and I already cleaned Misha’s, speaking of which,“ I turned to Misha and glared at him, "Does Vicki know you stole her vibrator?”    Misha quirked that infamous left eyebrow, but couldn’t avoid his face pinkening slightly, “Yes, she does. Do you need to borrow it?”

   I scoffed, looking back to the screen where Jeffrey’s face had both his eyebrows raised in question. “I hate the two of you, so fucking much.” “We love you too” they both replied in unison.

“Hey there, beautiful.” Corey beamed from his end of the phone. “Hello yourself, handsome.” I smiled, replying back. “You ready for Vegas?” “As I’ll ever be, ha. Are you picking me up from the airport?” “Yes ‘mam I am. Meeting you over by the baggage claim.” “Good, I’m not tryna get lost and have to search everywhere for you.” “Are you excited?”    "Of course, this is gonna be awesome. Never thought I’d be in a music video for one of my favorite bands.“ "You’re makin’ me blush.” “Whatever, rock star.” “Well, you are!”    I rolled my eyes as I packed my bag, making sure I had everything that I thought I would need. I was heading out that afternoon to shoot the new Slipknot video for Vermilion and would be gone another week. Jeffrey had given me the side eye when I told him the schedule over Skype, still not feeling 100% comfortable with me being around Corey knowing his interest in me, but I had assured him that I could handle myself with him, which I could. Although I wish Jeff was able to be with me like he was in New York, he had his schedule and there was no room for negotiation in it. I missed him like crazy, and it had been almost 2 weeks since I had seen him now. We talked everyday but the distance and working had made us both irritable, and the last conversation I had had with him was us snapping at each other.    "Whatever.“ I repeated into the phone, coming back from my thoughts and into the conversation I was having with the blonde singer at the same time my phone beeped, signaling I had another call coming in. Looking down at the screen, Jeffrey’s face popped up 'Think of the Devil’ "Hey, Cor, um, I gotta go. Jeff’s calling.” “No problem, tell the lucky guy I said hello.” “Will do. Talk to you later” I replied before switching calls. “What’re you doing?” Came his familiar greeting the moment I said 'Hello’    "Packing" I replied, sorting through my makeup bag and checking that everything was there. “Mmmm. Don’t go marrying that boy while you’re in Vegas, now, ya hear?” I rolled my eyes. ’We’re going there already?’ “Don’t start, Jeff” “I’m not starting anything, sweet pea. Just teasing.” “You’re so fucking jealous, dude.”    "Like you said, I have no reason to be jealous though, right?“ He rasped, tone lower. I could almost hear his eyebrow quirking. "No, you don’t.” “And why is that, honey bunch?” I rolled my eyes again, “Because I’m yours?” I said it like it was obvious. “Good girl.” I rolled my eyes again. “Stop rolling those eyes at me girl, they’re gonna get stuck back there one day.” “You sound like my father.”    "Not quite, even though I do like it when you call me Daddy.“ He drawled, raspy chuckle slithering through the phone line.    "Well, Daddy, I’ll roll my eyes at you if I want. What are you gonna do about it from all the way across the country?” “Brat, I will get on a plane right now and fly over there and whoop that ass.” “By the time you get here I’ll already be in Vegas. With Corey.” “Yup, your'e gonna get it.” He growled. “Oh honey, I can get it whenever I want.” Another growl. I was getting to him. Always so much fun.

“He…he…he.” I giggled devilishly.

“When am I even gonna get to see you again?”    "Ummm, well, I’ll be back here in a week, we’ve got the scoring to do still for Gish and then I should have a couple weeks free time. Don’t you have a con in Houston soon?“ "Yeah.”    "Well, I’ve been meaning to go see the family, maybe I can fly out to Dallas and then Drive down there to see you?“ "That could work” I could tell he was smiling now. “Good.”

   When I arrived in Vegas late that night I was greeted with multiple reporters lined up at the gate waiting for me. “Kylin, Kylin! Where’s Jeffrey? What are you doing here in Vegas?”    I smiled and waved but didn’t say anything, worming past them to the baggage claim to look for Corey.    When I found him, he himself was being bugged by 2 women with cameras and notepads, them asking questions about what he was doing here, how things had been, et cetera.

   "I’m here waiting to pick up a friend. Oh, there she is!“ He instantly through his arm over my shoulders as I approached, pulling me into a tight hug. Naturally, a picture was taken that same moment.    "Here we go,” I muttered, rolling my eyes for a second before throwing on a fake smile.    "What are you two doing in Vegas together, Kylin? Does Jeffrey know you’re here?“    My mouth dropped open as I choked out a disbelieving laugh at her and raised my eyebrows, "Good try, Red. Good Try. Corey is a friend of mine and I’m helping him out with a project he’s working on here. And to answer your second question, if Jeff didn’t already know where I was, then he sure would know here shortly, correct?”    The red headed woman stuttered for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. We didn’t give her a chance to figure out what to say next, though, because with perfect timing my suitcase came circling around the belt and Corey grabbed it before hurriedly leading me towards the exit.    "I guarantee you I’m about to get a phone call in three…two…one.“ I said once we were in the car and had driven down the highway a little bit. My phone vibrated on cue, displaying Jeffrey’s face. "Hello, Darling.” “Well hello to you too, Dear”    "As you probably already know I have landed and have been successfully captured by Mr. Taylor.“ "Oh he’s Mr. Taylor now, is he?”    "Dude, are you on your period or something?“ I snapped, not wanting to deal with this right now. "Woman.” He growled warningly. “Well,?” I challenged. “I’m going to hang up the phone now. Call me when you have a moment alone.” “You’re a fucking brat, Jeffrey.”    "Only when you’re one, Sweetheart.“ and with that he hung up the phone. I turned the screen off and shook my head at it, Corey looking over to me from the driver’s seat. "Everything okay?” I sighed, “Yeah, Jeffrey just being Jeffrey.” “Thing’s good between ya’ll?”    "Oh yeah, things are great, he just gets bitchy when it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.“ "Completely understandable. Long distance is defiantly hard.”    "Yeah, that’s for sure. Not too much longer 'till I see him though and can work all that grumpiness out of him.“ I laughed, shaking my head again. "L-M-A-O” He replied, laughing.

   I was flipping and contorting myself around the pole, flinging myself upside down and holding onto poses as the camera man whirled around me, catching the shots he needed as I made my way around the metal to the time of the song. The director had been thrilled that I needed very little direction and was so well skilled in the art of pole dancing. Corey moved to his place in the shot, moving to pull me off the pole and into his arms as the 'scene’ called for. I felt his arms wrap around my waist as I held myself out, letting myself fall into him so he could catch me. I suddenly felt a bout of nervousness sweep over me as he set me down on my feet and spun me around to the time of the beat, he dipped me down and lowered his face to mine. 

You’re just fucking acting, Kylin. Get it together.    Our lips met as he swung me back up upright, him twirling us around in a dance with our mouths pressed together. Per script, my eyes stayed blank and expressionless, but my heart was hammering in my chest. Corey’s fingers gripped my waist through the flowy dress I was wearing, pinching the fabric between his fingers. I don’t know if he meant to or not, or if he even really did, but I could swear I felt the vibration of his lips against mine that muffled a groan into his mouth. When he finally pulled away and opened his eyes, his pupils were dilated and he dug his fingers into my hip again, before spinning me away from him so I could climb back up the pole.    The director called cut and the volume lowered at the same time that I did, just in time to see someone I least expected plop themselves into the chair beside where the director sat.    "What the fuck are you doing here?“ I asked, shaking my head as I walked towards him. Corey instantly followed and clapped him on the back in greeting nervously.

   "Playin’ spy.” He answered honestly, ignoring Corey as he wiggled sideways in the chair and stretched his legs over the arm as he leaned his head back and stuffed his mouth with a handful of popcorn from Craft Services, “You tell your boyfrien’ about that little scene there, Ky?”    My eyes narrowed at him as I swallowed thickly, looking from him to Corey before replying “It’s not like he tells me when Negan has scenes with his wives, so I didn’t think it was important.”    "He also hasn’t been on a date with any of those women either, now has he?“He retorted sarcastically, finally moving his attention to Corey, "How’s it going, man?”    I sighed as Corey gulped and nodded his head at Norman “Going good, man. Nice to see you.”    Norman’s eyes went back to me from him as he dug his phone out of his pocket, “Mmmmhmmm.”    "Is this my fucking life?“ I mumbled, before spinning on my heals and wandering off to find something to eat, anything to get away from the awkwardness.        But of course the awkwardness was unrelenting, because as soon as I made it back to the craft services table, my phone rang. Here we fucking go. "Hey honey,” I answered innocently, playing it cool. “Really, Kylin? Fucking really?” he, on the other hand, was not very cool at all.    "I see you’ve spoken to your agent.“ I said, narrowing my eyes in the direction of Norman, who was still sitting in the chair I left him in, speaking with Corey. "You’re God damned right I did, what the fuck? You couldn’t even tell me?”    "Tell me, Jeffrey, when’s the last time Negan kissed one of his wives?“ I snapped back, irritation growing. "It’s not the same.” he growled    "How in the Hell is it not the same, Morgan?“ I growled right back, teeth clenched together.    "Well, I don’t know, Kylin, let me go grab Elyse, or Chloe, take them out to dinner and show them a good time before the next scene, huh?”    "What? Really, Jeffrey? I don’t understand why you’re acting like you don’t trust me.“ "I trust you, Kylin. It’s him I don’t trust.”    I rolled my eyes and cocked my head with a sigh, the need for a cigarette growing rapidly with the frustration. I walked back over to where my purse was by Norman, flipping him off while digging for my smokes. He laughed, which made Jeffrey laugh in my ear. “You’re gonna give him shit, aren’t you?” Jeff rasped as I began walking away    "Oh living Hell, darling. Living Hell.“ I giggled menacingly, opening the door and stepping outside.    "You really wanna know why I sent him?” Jeffrey asked, voice kinder and sincere, “Hmmmm?” I asked, pressing a cigarette to my lips and lighting it. “After what happened in New York, baby doll, I ain’t takin’ no risks.”    My lungs tightened from his words, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end as I leaned against the side of the building. It almost felt as if someone was watching me, but I chocked it up to Jeffrey’s reminder and my general nervousness. I shook my head of the feeling and took a drag of my cigarette, sighing loudly on exhale. “I miss you,” I said mournfully, not wanting to argue with him anymore. “I miss you too, baby girl, so fucking much it hurts.” “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I didn’t want you to…react that way.” “Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?”    "Wow, Jeff. Fucking wow. I’m trying to apologize and you say that shit? You know what? Fuck this.“ I seethed, sliding the disconnect button with a grunt, not believing that he actually had said that to me. "Fucking asshole,” I muttered, taking another drag.    The feeling someone was near attached itself to me again, but when I looked around I saw no one. There was a noise, like the sound of a door closing near by and I squinted my eyes in the direction of the sound but was instantly distracted as the door beside me opened suddenly as Corey and Norman walked out.    "Jesus Christ you two scared the shit out of me.“ I gasped, jerking back at the sudden motion.    "Sorry, princess.” Corey apologized, smile quirking on his face. Norman glared at him.    "You okay?“ Norman grunted, moving in between Corey and I and leaning into my personal space, "Ya’ll okay?”    I looked up at him and nodded silently before tearing my eyes away and looking back into the parking lot, dragging the cigarette to my lips to finish it before stomping it out. “Yeah, uh, we’re fine. ” I nodded again, speaking up to break the awkwardness.    "Look, uh, we’re done for the day, you two wanna go get something to eat?“ Corey asked, turning the attention back to him. "Yeah man, I could eat.” Norman answered, looking to me for my approval.    "Sounds good.“ I replied as we Corey opened the door for us, chancing one last look over my shoulder before stepping back into the building.

   Dinner went by sullenly, my mind dancing away from the conversation that the two men were having to other thoughts, like why I was still feeling put off. Norman of course noticed, leaning into my side in the booth we were at and whispering in my ear, "You okay?”    "Yeah, I’ll talk to you about it later, don’t worry for now.“ I replied, looking down to my plate of food and then to Corey’s confused stare. "Everything okay, Ky?” Corey asked, suspicious of the way Norman was acting.    "Huh? Oh yeah. Just….off, a little today, sorry.“ I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the stubborn feeling in my chest as I glanced around the restaurant one last time.    The men when back to their conversation and I went back to daydreaming until Norman’s phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and smirked at the screen, answering it while holding a finger to his lips in my direction.    "Hey Keagen, what’s up?” he answered, smirk on his face that told me all I needed to know. “Uh, yeah, I’m in town.” his eyes shifted to me and I gave him a knowing look.    "Oh, you are? Well than, um.“ I pinched his arm with a smirk of my own, teasing him as he swatted my hand away.    "Well, I’m kinda looking after a friend right now,” his eyes shifted to me with a pleading look, and I shook my head, waving my hands at him to not to worry.    "Well, yeah, they should be okay for a little bit, where are you staying?“ he smiled at me, moving the phone to his shoulder to bring his hands together in prayer formation, mouthing “thank you” "Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you there at around 9?” “Okay, sounds good.”    Norman ended the call and returned his attention to me, eyes flicking from mine to Corey’s, “You’ll be able to get her back safe, big mouth?”    "Yeah, I got her, no worries.“ Corey replied, brows furrowing as another look of confusion crossed his face.    "I shouldn’t be back too late. I’ll meet you at your hotel later?” Norman requested, arm wrapping around me to pull me into a hug.    "Yeah, sounds good, Norm.“ I assured, dipping in to reciprocate the gesture. He threw some cash down on the table for his tab and left, leaving Corey and I alone.     "You wanna come back to my place for a little bit? I got a buddy of mine coming over who got some super dank.” Corey offered, picking up his glass of tea and finishing it off.    I thought about it for a second, unsure of if I should let myself be around him by himself. He did say his friend was going to be there though, so I agreed, “Sure, always down to smoke.”

   Corey’s penthouse suit was gorgeous, it over looked the strip and I could see all the thousands of lights flickering in the distance. I gazed out the window while he fixed us drinks before plopping down on the fluffy leather couch to take the glass of wine from him. He smiled at me and sat down, flipping on the TV. “Mind if I ask you a question, Ky?” “Sure” I replied, sipping the blood-red liquid. “Is Jeff….I don’t know how to say this…” “What?” I asked, curious. “I mean, he sent Norman all the way out here to keep an eye on you?”    I gulped, knowing where this was heading but not wanting to fully explain Jeffrey’s concerns for me. “It’s difficult to explain, Cor. He is the way he is because of…reasons.” “Involving me?” “Not really, honestly. He’s just…protective, is all.”    "Seems like he’s more controlling than anything. Surprised he even let you do this.“ "Jeffrey doesn’t let me do anything, Corey. He’s not controlling, he’s protective.” “He sent someone to spy on you, Kylin.” “There’s more to it then that, Cor. Just let it go, okay?” “you’re my friend, Kylin, and I just want you to be happy.”    "I am happy, hun. Just don’t worry about it. Jeffrey and Norman have their reasons, okay? Just leave it at that.“    Corey looked like he was about to say something else but was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. He sighed, sitting his glass down on the nearby table, "That must be Tony.”    He got up and opened the door to greet his friend, I rose as well and sauntered back over to the window, slightly irritated with Corey’s alligations about Jeff. Corey lead the man into the living room, me not really paying attention as my gaze had been diverted back to the skyline’s glittering stars. It wasn’t until he spoke that I whipped my head around at the sound of his voice. “Well, Well, Well, Look at this.”

   The glass slipped from my hand and came crashing to the floor, spilling the blood-colored liquid onto the pretty white carpet as I gasped in horror at the face before me.    A gun was swiftly lifted from the back of Anthony’s pants into the air to aim directly at Corey’s temple. Corey froze, holding his hands up while questioning, “What in the fuck are you doing, dude?” Ignoring him, Anthony’s attention focused on me, “Darling, how have you been?”    I remained pressed against the window, panic rising in my gut and forcing my body to shake involuntarily. I gulped as Anthony stepped closer to me, weapon still aimed at the shorter man. “H-h-how…"I started, but trailed of as my voice broke.    "H-h-how…” He mocked, face contorting in sarcasm before looking back to Corey, “She didn’t tell you about me, did she, Cor?”    "Kylin, what the fuck is going on?“ Corey asked, serious expression on his face as his eyes met mine, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. "Um, I-I…"I began again, but couldn’t, "I’m sorry, Corey.”    "I’m sorry, Corey’“ Anthony mocked again, face back distorted before he erupted in a fit of giggles, "Tell him, Kylin. Tell him who you really belong to.”    My eyes left Corey’s to look at Anthony’s face, the psychotic chuckle behind his pupils prominent as he licked his lips and danced his gaze across my frame, “Lookin’ good, puddin’, you know that? Sugar Daddy been feeding you right, huh? So what are you doing with ol’ leather face over here?”    I swallowed as I glanced back over to Corey, who still had the stoic expression on his face as he stared at me, “This is why Jeffrey’s so protective, huh?” he asked, understanding coming into his eyes as he put the pieces together.    "Oh yes, see, Cor, the only reason why I even was working for ya’ll is because I knew that you had befriended my beautiful fi-an-ce here, and, you see, she’s always too busy for me, so I figured I’d go to her“    "I’m not anything to you, Anthony, ” I spat, seeing red as I pushed myself away from my position to step in front of him. Brazenly, I grabbed the barrel of the pistol he was holding against Corey’s head and moved it in the direction of my own, “If you’re gonna shoot someone, shoot me, Anthony, I’m tired of fucking dealing with your sociopathic bullshit.”

   With the same Cheshire grin that I had picked up from him displayed across his mouth, he tilted his head, cocking the hammer on the gun and running his tongue over his teeth, “Sounds like a plan, baby doll.”

Corey screaming was the the last thing I heard before everything went black. 

[lifejustgotawkward]

My Favorite Albums of 2017

10. TLC, TLC

Standout Tracks: “Way Back” (feat. Snoop Dogg), “Perfect Girls,” “Start a Fire,” “American Gold,” “Scandalous,” “Joy Ride”

From the moment TLC’s self-titled, fifth and final album kicks off with the vibrant opener “No Introduction,” a contradictory yet inspiring reminder of this R&B girl group’s indomitable spirit, I knew that I was in a for a good time. I’m so glad that Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins and Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas returned to the studio for a follow-up to 3D, which came out shortly after Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes’ death in 2002. T-Boz and Chilli bring elements of R&B, pop and funk to TLC, infusing many tracks with a 90s-throwback vibe that never feels dated. Lead single “Way Back" is the album’s best example of that particular style, but I love the atmospheres created by acoustic guitar on the empowerment anthem “Perfect Girls” and on the sultry ballad “Start a Fire,” as well as the social commentary of “American Gold,” the braggadocio of “Scandalous” and the retro groove of album closer “Joy Ride.” I can’t tell you how encouraging it is to know that T-Boz and Chilli are still crazy, sexy and cool enough to put together an album this enjoyable from start to finish.

9. Feist, Pleasure

Standout Tracks: “Pleasure,” “Any Party,” “A Man Is Not His Song,” “Century” (feat. Jarvis Cocker), “Baby Be Simple,” “I’m Not Running Away“

Feist’s Pleasure is a slow-burner. Like the title track, the album as a whole takes a while to warm up, but after a while I found that the melodies had stuck with me and didn’t leave. Without question the best song on the album is “Century,” an uptempo masterwork of songwriting, performance and production; many of the album’s highlights have relaxed paces, though, and it’s hard to argue against the loveliness of “A Man Is Not His Song” (which has my favorite lines from Pleasure: “A man is not his song/And I’m not a story/But I wanna sing along/If he's singing it for me”), “Baby Be Simple” (which, dare I say it, begins to feel magical at the 4:39 mark) and “I’m Not Running Away.”

8. Marika Hackman, I’m Not Your Man

Standout Tracks: “Boyfriend,” “Gina’s World,” “My Lover Cindy,” “Apple Tree,” “So Long,” “Eastbound Train”

The rock influences of the 1990s are all over English singer-songwriter’s Marika Hackman’s second full-length album. This is a good thing, like how opening track/lead single “Boyfriend” recalls Radiohead’s “My Iron Lung” and how “Gina’s World” contains echoes of Nirvana. And for my money, “My Lover Cindy” is probably the #1 song of the year; with a dark sense of humor and sunny guitar licks, it’s an ideal pop-rock jewel that will lodge in your brain and never leave.

I love that Hackman’s songs wittily observe the highs and lows of queer identity while maintaining a universality that every music fan can appreciate. With I’m Not Your Man, Hackman has shot to the top of my list of the most talented women in indie rock right now, alongside Angel Olsen and Courtney Barnett.

7. Lindsey Buckingham and Christine McVie, Lindsey Buckingham/Christine McVie (aka Buckingham/McVie)

Standout Tracks: "In My World,” “Red Sun,” “Lay Down for Free,” “Game of Pretend,” “On with the Show,” “Carnival Begin”

It may be uncool or corny to admit it, but I love the recent album by Lindsey Buckingham and Christine McVie. Few critics feel the same way, but what can I say? I’m a sucker for a well-crafted tune. Buckingham/McVie, as they are often credited, have been in this business for half a century, so it’s safe to say that they know a thing or two about how to make memorable music. Whether you’re a fan of the duo from back in their peak Fleetwood Mac days or you’re a younger listener who just wants to savor some great earworms, you can’t go wrong with the infectious melodies of “In My World” and “On with the Show” and the slower, more sensual motion of “Carnival Begin.”

6. Texas, Jump on Board

Standout Tracks: “It Was Up to You,” “Tell That Girl,” “Sending a Message,” “Great Romances,” “Won’t Let You Down,” “Round the World”

Like the Buckingham/McVie album, Jump on Board by Scottish band Texas was labeled mediocre by most music critics. But I knew that Texas’s tenth studio album (their debut, Southside, came out in 1989) would be fun before I even heard it; I’ve been a fan for years, ever since I heard a charming BBC Radio interview with lead singer Sharleen Spiteri - isn’t that a fantastic name for a rock band frontwoman? - and the radio show’s host played the wonderful Texas song “Detroit City.” I became an immediate devotee of the group and have adored their work ever since. Jump on Board’s “Tell That Girl” has a similarly 80s-ish aura, but the sound branches out on “Won’t Let You Down,” which evokes classic Pretenders ballads; “Great Romances” (my personal favorite), which borrows its beat from the Angels’ “My Boyfriend’s Back”; the shimmering rhythms of “It Was Up to You” (like updated disco, reminiscent of Roxy Music and solo Bryan Ferry); and the smoldering rockabilly voodoo of “Sending a Message.”

P.S. Last year, Sharleen Spiteri wrote a really nice piece for The Guardian about Harry Dean Stanton, whose film Paris, Texas sparked her band’s name. If you haven’t read it, please do.

5. Father John Misty, Pure Comedy

Standout Tracks: “Pure Comedy,” “Total Entertainment Forever,” “Ballad of the Dying Man,” “When the God of Love Returns There’ll Be Hell to Pay,” “The Memo,” “So I’m Growing Old on Magic Mountain“

Full disclosure: I don’t know much about Father John Misty, outside of some essays and reviews I’ve read over the years. I’m not familiar with his catalog prior to Pure Comedy, although I keep telling myself that I’ll listen to Fear Fun and I Love You, Honeybear, in addition to his releases under the “J. Tillman” name, at some point. As a newbie who approached his Pure Comedy album from what I hope is a fairly fresh perspective, I must say I’m impressed. I know that his music is polarizing and engenders a lot of “masterpiece”/”overrated hack” arguments, but I like when that happens with artists; it makes me think that they’re doing something right to inspire such extreme views.

The lyrics on this album are superior to just about everything else that has been released this year and I could easily put a spotlight on nearly every song, although “Total Entertainment Forever” - the first track I heard prior to the album’s release - is the one that will probably stay with me the longest, capturing our freaky zeitgeist with insight, morbid humor and a little snazzy saxophone. There’s no way to top the sheer audacity of its opening lines: “Bedding Taylor Swift/Every night inside the Oculus Rift/After mister and the missus finish dinner and the dishes/And now the future's definition is so much higher than it was last year/It's like the images have all become real/And someone's living my life for me out in the mirror...” Truly a songwriter for these bizarre, unbelievable times.

4. Lana Del Rey, Lust for Life

Standout Tracks: “Lust for Life” (feat. The Weeknd), “Cherry,” “When the World Was at War We Kept Dancing,” “Tomorrow Never Came” (feat. Sean Ono Lennon), “Change,” “Get Free”

Lust for Life is the first Lana Del Rey album that I have loved from beginning to end. I wasn’t enamored of the opening track, “Love,” when I first heard it last year, but hearing it in the context of the entire album has given me a renewed admiration for the lushly produced songscapes that Del Rey creates. You really fall into a different world when you listen to her music.

“Lust for Life” is yet another 2017 song to reference “My Boyfriend’s Back” (as well as having “do-do-do-dos” similar to Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wild Side”), while the lyrics of “Cherry” allude to the classic duet “Summer Wine” by two of Del Rey’s heroes, Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood. “Beautiful People Beautiful Problems” and “Tomorrow Never Came” are collaborations with Stevie Nicks and Sean Ono Lennon, respectively, while the uplifting album closer “Get Free” cites Neil Young (”out of the black... into the blue”) and the chord progression of Radiohead’s “Creep” (Lana’s not alone; Angel Olsen kind of did that too on her single “Fly on Your Wall,” although the bigger similarity is with Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over”). But my absolute favorite track on Lust for Life is “Change,” a haunting statement about realizing the abilities we all have to learn, grow and improve our world that pays homage to Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Gonna Come” along the way.

3. Blondie, Pollinator

Standout Tracks: “Doom or Destiny” (feat. Joan Jett), “Long Time,” “Fun,” “My Monster,” “Too Much,” “Fragments”

If there is any truth we can rely on in this weird world of ours, it’s that Blondie can always deliver top-quality records. Pollinator, the renowned band’s eleventh album since 1976 (they were on hiatus during 1982-1997), has the same glorious New Wave/pop-punk dynamism that Debbie Harry and company have gifted us with for these past forty years. They worked with some excellent collaborators this time around, featuring Joan Jett on the chorus of “Doom or Destiny” (which has a terrific, politically charged music video), as well as the lyrical contributions of Blood Orange (aka Dev Hynes) on “Long Time” and Johnny Marr on “My Monster,” plus a cover of “Fragments” by An Unkindness (Adam Johnston). Chris Stein is still a legend on the guitar and Clem Burke - in my most humble of opinions - continues to be one of the best rock drummers on the planet, worthy of going toe to toe with anyone half (or even a third) his age. Extra special mention goes to the Greg Cohen Spirit of 79 remix of “Fun,” which is even better than the version on the album.

2. Harry Styles, Harry Styles

Standout Tracks: “Meet Me in the Hallway,” “Sign of the Times,” “Carolina,” “Only Angel,” “Ever Since New York,” “Woman”

I was never a serious follower of the ultra-successful boy band One Direction, but you can put me down as a fan of “What Makes You Beautiful,” “One Thing” and “Temporary Fix.” Those are three genuinely delightful songs. So I looked forward to what Harry Styles had to offer as an individual performer, interested in what, uh, styles (sorry) he would display on his first solo effort. Luckily, his self-titled debut turned out to be an entertaining achievement, filled with the exuberance and sincerity of a man eager to forge his own path in the music industry. I knew as soon as the album’s first song, “Meet Me in the Hallway,” began that this was not going to be a typical millennial endeavor, and I remained impressed throughout the next nine tracks. I applaud young Mr. Styles’ high levels of ambition.

Worldwide hit “Sign of the Times” has timeless appeal, while “Only Angel” and “Kiwi” burst with brazen vigor, “Woman” is a soulful jam and the love songs “Two Ghosts,” “Sweet Creature” and the Badfinger-inspired “Ever Since New York” are more quietly impactful. Styles shows further maturity on the album closer, “From the Dining Table,” perhaps not lyrically but certainly from an artistic POV. If I have to pick one favorite cut from the album above all, though, I might have to go with “Carolina,” Styles’ most exuberant ode to his muses from the 70s. (I especially love the la-la-las in the background vocals.) Does Harry Styles want to be David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Marc Bolan and Pete Ham, all at the same time? Yeah, probably. But it works for me.

1. Slowdive, Slowdive

Standout Tracks: “Star Roving,” “Don’t Know Why,” “Sugar for the Pill,” “Everyone Knows,” “No Longer Making Time,” “Falling Ashes”

In the early 90s, Slowdive was a pioneering band in the shoegaze subgenre of indie rock, lending the dreamy vocals and guitar sounds of Rachel Goswell and Neil Halstead to the albums Just for a Day (1991) and Souvlaki (1993), in addition to the more experimental textures of Pygmalion (1995). (Some favorites of mine from this era include "Spanish Air," "Brighter" and "When the Sun Hits.") The group - which I gather was pretty underrated in their early years, never popular with mainstream listeners and disliked by music critics - disbanded shortly after the critical and commercial failures of that third album, but Slowdive’s triumphant reunion in 2014 led to their latest, self-titled release. And it’s incredible.

Slowdive is only eight tracks long, but each one shines in a unique way. “Slomo” is a perfect opener, slowly unfolding with a classic Slowdive ambience. The feeling endures as the album progresses, especially beautifully in “Don’t Know Why,” which melts my ears into heavenly bliss and is definitely one of my top five favorite songs of the year, and in the final track, “Falling Ashes,” an eight-minute epic propelled by an insistent piano hook. You could listen to any of Slowdive’s recordings, though, and be dazed by the constant splendor. More than any other album in 2017, Slowdive fused past, present and future to shape a collection that glows with both alt-rock imagination and delicate, poignant finesse.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (alphabetical)

Charlotte Gainsbourg, Rest (”Lying with You,” “Kate,” “Deadly Valentine,” “I’m a Lie,” “Les Oxalis”)

Valerie June, The Order of Time (”Shakedown,” “If And,” “Man Done Wrong,” “Just in Time,” “Slip Slide on By”)

Angel Olsen, Phases [B-sides, rarities, covers and new recordings] (”Fly on Your Wall,” “Special,” “Sweet Dreams,” “For You,” “How Many Disasters”)

Phoenix, Ti Amo (”J-Boy,” ”Ti Amo,” “Goodbye Soleil,” “Fleur de Lys,” “Role Model”)

Ride, Weather Diaries (”Lannoy Point,” “Charm Assault,” “All I Want,” “Home Is a Feeling,” “Cali”)

Alexandra Savior, Belladonna of Sadness (”Audeline,” “Cupid,” “’Til You’re Mine,” “Vanishing Point,” “Mystery Girl”)

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

9 Unforgettable Moments from the 2018 Billboard Music Awards

The Billboard Music Awards rocked the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas on Sunday, and almost all the biggest names in music and entertainment came out to celebrate the artists, songs, and albums that took the world by storm this year.

In a night filled with bombastic live performances and emotional, touching speeches, there were a few moments that stood out from the rest.

Here are some of the biggest, best and most important highlights from Sunday's BBMAs.

1. Emotional Tribute to Santa Fe High School Shooting Victims

Our hearts go out to all the victims in the Santa Fe community and their families. ❤️ pic.twitter.com/7ejLAd8nKk

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

Kelly Clarkson somberly opened this year's show with an emotional call to action in response to the mass shooting at Santa Fe High School in Texas on Friday. The 36-year-old singer fought back tears from the first moment of her powerful speech, where she rejected the idea of having a moment of silence in favor of calling for a "moment of action [and] a moment of change."

The tragic shooting, which is believed to have been committed by a 17-year-old student who attended the high school, claimed the lives of 10 people, eight children and two adult teachers, and left 13 others wounded.

"Mommies and daddies should be able to send their kids to school, to church, to movie theaters, to clubs. You should be able to live your life without that kind of fear," Clarkson said "We need to do better. Because we're failing our children, we're failing our communities and we're failing their families. I have four children; I cannot imagine getting that phone call or that knock on the door."

2. Ariana Grande Kicks Things Off With a Splash

We have 'ʎɹɔ oʇ ʇɟǝl sɹɐǝʇ ou' after that #ARIANA_BBMAs performance! @ArianaGrande 😭🚫 pic.twitter.com/vSqrNprYXw

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

The 24-year-old singer kicked off the awards show with a rain-soaked, umbrella filled performance of her new single "No Tears Left to Cry," while rocking a black babydoll dress and thigh-high leather boots.

The appearance marked Grande's first televised performance since her split from longtime boyfriend Mac Miller earlier this month, and it's clear the singer hasn't let it affect her stage presence. Grande didn't miss a beat during the stylish number, which was a beautiful live recreation of the song's psychedelic music video.

3. Kelly Clarkson Proves Why She's the Best Choice to Host

Come through, @Kelly_Clarkson! #BBMAs#KELLY_BBMAspic.twitter.com/XgJpR7nYjx

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

When Clarkson took the stage for her opening monologue, the singer showed exactly why she was the best possible choice to host: her effortless enthusiasm and genuine appreciation for her fellow artists.

After saying she was going to keep things "simple" as the evening's host, Clarkson immediately kicked into an over-the-top medley of some of the nominated artist's biggest hits, including Maren Morris' "My Church," Sam Smith's "Too Good at Goodbyes," and Kendrick Lamar's "Humble." 

Clarkson continued with her cover of Imagine Dragons "Thunder" and Khalid's "Young Dumb & Broke" -- which Khalid himself couldn’t help but dance to in the audience -- and then performed Cardi B's verse from Bruno Mars' "Finesse" as well as Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You," Shawn Mendes' "Nothing Holding Me Back" and Taylor Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do."

As the explosive, acrobat-filed display of extravagance came to a close, Clarkson jokingly reiterated that she planned on "keeping it simple."

Later in the evening, Clarkson stepped back from hosting for a live performance of her own music.

These two go way back! ↩️ @SimonCowell brings out the next #BBMAs performer, @Camila_Cabello! #CAMILA_BBMAspic.twitter.com/ShAdlp5g41

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

The singer took the stage in a golden, fringe-covered dress to belt out a rendition of "Whole Lotta Woman," off her 2017 album The Meaning of Life.

4. The Chainsmokers Honor Avicii

Before presenting the award for Top Hot 100 Song, The Chainsmokers' Andrew Taggart and Alex Pall joined Halsey to pay tribute to the late EDM artist Avicii.

Nothing but love for Avicii from @TheChainsmokers & @halsey as they present the #BBMAs for Top Hot 100 Song. 💞 pic.twitter.com/k89czVBrih

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

"His passing was a great loss for the music world, and for us," Pall shared, somberly. "He was an artist who inspired so many and in so many ways. And, simply put, he meant so much to us and everyone in the EDM community."

"Everyone who worked with him would agree that he was such a joy," Halsey added. "And it makes this tragedy all the more painful."

Not long after paying tribute to the late artist, The Chainsmokers took home the award for Top Dance/Electronic Artist, and Pall dedicated the Golden Microphone to Avicii and addressed the artist's influence on EDM and pop.

.@TheChainsmokers are #BBMAs WINNERS! Congrats on taking home the 🏆 for Top Dance/Electronic Artist! pic.twitter.com/WOXnCgEExT

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

"We want to dedicate this award to Avicii. None of us would be here. Everyone who was nominated for this award was massively influenced by him," Pall shared, in part. "He will be missed."

5. Demi Lovato and Christina Aguilera Belt Out Wild Duet

I got a right to speak my mind 🗣 about how FANTASTIC this song is. WOW. @xtina@ddlovato#XTINADEMI_BBMAs#BBMAspic.twitter.com/VLuixGOQ8e

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

There's no denying that Lovato and Aguilera stole the spotlight with their insane diva-off when the pair took the stage to perform their girl-power duet "Fall in Line." 

Rocking matching black leather trench coats, the amazing number seemed to be set in a dystopian police state, with back-up dancers in fascist-like black uniforms and militaristic helmets. It gave the whole thing an emotional Handmaid's Tale/1984 vibe that really added some emotional weight to the defiant, feminist messages and themes of the powerful song.

6. BTS Has the Absolute Best Night

You might be sick of this 'Fake Love' but I am NOT sick of those dance moves, @BTS_twt! #BBMAs#BTS_BBMAspic.twitter.com/kvbXidp3gZ

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

Every time BTS was mentioned, or the cameras cut to them in the audience, everyone freaked the hell out. Every. Single. Time. So you can only imagine how loud things got when the seven K-pop megastars took the stage to perform their song "Fake Love."

Kelly Clarkson came prepared while introducing the band, bringing out some fuzzy pink earmuffs to defend her ears against the deafening roar of the fans. 

It's TIME for @BTS_twt's FIRST #BBMAs performance AND WORLD TV PREMIERE PERFORMANCE of their song 'FAKE LOVE!' #BTS_BBMAs#BBMAspic.twitter.com/HkR8FQalzp

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

RM, J-Hope, Jin, Jimin, Jungkook, Suga and V slayed the flawless performance with their signature intricate stage presence and complex dance moves that put most of the night's other live numbers to shame.

The award for Top Social Artist presented by @23andMe goes to... @BTS_twt! #BBMAspic.twitter.com/jzE1hvQkno

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

Before their acclaimed performance, the bandmates also took home the award for Top Social Artist for the second year in a row, after becoming the first Korean artists to ever take home a Billboard Music Award in 2017.

7. An Emotional Musical Call For Gun Control

.@BebeRexha introduces a very special performance by @ShawnMendes, @thegreatkhalid and the Marjory Stoneman Douglas Show Choir at the #BBMAs. pic.twitter.com/pbyWy8sUaV

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

The BBMAs addressed the Santa Fe High School shooting once again during the show with an impassioned call for gun control via a performance by Shawn Mendes and Khalid of their emotional ballad "Youth." 

📹 | Shawn, Khalid & the choir students from Stoneman Douglas High❤️ #BBMAs  May 20th,2018pic.twitter.com/Y9e9CAt6J9

— Shawn Mendes Updates (@ShawnMTrack) May 21, 2018

The two stars were joined by the choir of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, where 17 people were killed and 17 others injured in a mass shooting that left the nation devastated. 

8. Janet Jackson Gets Real

After rocking the stage with her incredible performance, @JanetJackson accepts the 2018 #BBMAs Icon Award! #ICON_JANETpic.twitter.com/S7nDbrGJQI

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

The legendary pop superstar was honored with the BBMAs' Icon Award  -- presented by surprise guest Bruno Mars -- making Jackson only the seventh artist -- and first black woman -- to receive the award.

To celebrate the honor, Jackson performed a medley of some of her biggest hits -- including "Nasty" and "Throb" -- in her first live, televised performance in many years.

While her musical presence drew a standing ovation, Jackson really blew people away with her powerful acceptance speech in which she said Americans are living "in a glorious moment in history."

"It's a moment when, at long last, women have made it clear that we will no longer be controlled, manipulated or abused," Jackson said. "I stand with those women, and with those men equally outraged by discrimination who support us. This is also a moment when your public discourse is loud and harsh."

9. Salt-N-Pepa Close Out the Show With Classics

Will I have these songs stuck in my head for the rest of the night? YEP. Am I mad about it? NOPE. @TheSaltNPepa#SALTNPEPA_BBMAspic.twitter.com/tF3hKeaH9K

— Billboard Music Awards (@BBMAs) May 21, 2018

The awards show closed out the night with some serious girl power with Hip-hop icons Salt-N-Pepa, who performed a selection of their greatest hits, including "Shoop," "Let's Talk About Sex" and "Push It."

However, things became next-level epic when En Vouge came out to perform with Salt-N-Pepa for their 1994 super-hit "Whatta Man," which brought the entire audience to their feet to sing along.

Check out the video below for a look at the most memorable moments from last year's Billboard Music Awards.

RELATED CONTENT:

Janet Jackson Receives Icon Award at the 2018 Billboard Music Awards

2018 Billboard Music Awards: Best and Most Daring Red Carpet Looks!

Billboard Music Awards 2018: The Complete Winners List

[immersedinm]

A week ago I was preparing to travel to Charleston in high anticipation of a wonderful weekend of stellar music, impressive food, camaraderie, and beautiful views. A week later, and I am still riding the high of the weekend

The weekend may be over, but the memories will last a life time. A gigantic thank you to High Water for putting together such an amazing weekend and also for including immersed in cool music as a part of the media team. It was a real bona fide privilege. I am so very humbled and thankful.

Sunday began earlier than Saturday because they added another band, performing at 12:30. I was thrilled because it was The High Divers. As I have said before, they put on a great show and with a new album, I looked forward to seeing them again. They clearly set the joyous vibe for the day!

The High Divers

T. Hardy Morris

The mullet is back y’all! T. Hardy Morris brought his uber cool to the stage and rocked us out.

Is it a good luck charm? It caught my eye…

I think she was pretty stoked to score a front row position…

Spotted in the crowd, the cutest embroidered jeans…she was totally en trend.

Valerie June

I was thrilled to have a chance to see Valerie June. She just exudes cool, creativity, and wisdom. Her music is different and worthy of your ears. Perhaps her sound is best described as an intersect between Appalachian, roots, country/folk. She sings of love, perseverance, life, and healing. Her show is a sight of colors, sounds, and hypnotic music.

Wandering around, I stumbled upon some fun shots.

The convenient rearranged backpack beer holder…

He was taking advantage of some space to toss a frisbee…it wasn’t long before the green grass was covered in blankets and people.

Peeked in on the oyster education gathering.

Looks like I was a bit on the late side, darn!

Creative food line waiting. Fun can be had anywhere, especially when you have a strong daddy.

Joshua Hedley

Okay, I’ll admit that I am not a huge country fan. I most certainly listen and appreciate the genre. But…I was so in awe of Joshua Hedley‘s cool suit, I kinda blanked out. He plays old school country which you don’t hear as much anymore. There’s talent galore, but to me the fashion sense of this band made me the happiest.

Yep, even the keyboard player had a belt sweet enough to envy a bit.

Tank and the Bangas

This band was the secret surprise of the day! They brought it, and the festival goers reveled in the glory of them! Dancing…singing…performing with a capital P, they laid it out. A photographer’s dream, I came home with some amazing shots, but the memory of this fierce band is planted firmly in my heart. It is not for everyone to cover Nirvana, but they did it and did it well!

Their energy and audience participation expectations brought everyone on their feet hands in the air and singing along!

Soakin’ up the afternoon music bliss.

M Ward

Soothing melodies and guitar centric, M Ward is easy on the ears. At High Water Fest, he played his beautiful Bigsby and each intermittent guitar riff proved to be exciting. With Keith Richards and Jack White as Bigsby players, he is in great company. M Ward has his own distinct style that doesn’t reflect theirs at all. Music on the laid back side, his set was perfect for chillin’ and sitting back with appreciation. The day was wearing on us all with so many early power house acts, we all needed a bit of a chillin’ sound break.

This pic is just dripping cool.

Shakey Graves

I am pretty old…I admit it. But I love the fact that I stumbled on Shakey Graves many, many years ago and I don’t even live in Texas. He put out a series of videos where he played his guitar and his suitcase drum/tambourine in an empty field and even a giant sewer pipe. Check it out, sometime. His career has moved like a fast-moving train ever since. He has paired up with some of the most amazing acts, and toured his heart out. So, to see him at another huge festival made my heart bust with joy. He knows how to write, sing, and play catchy, lyrical tunes with perfection. His show begins solo, like the start of his career, then he brings out the band. Never disappoints!

He loves to get the crowd into the music, and participate, they did!

Hamilton Leithauser

Hamilton Leithauser, the lead singer from the successful indie band, The Walkmen, graced the stage in a simple dark suit. No frills, but the music was on fire. His voice and songs had everyone amazed. He turned out to be one of the happy surprises of High Water Fest. With a successful solo career, he has been releasing new songs lately, perhaps hinting at another solo album. His show began a bit late and seemed to end way too soon. I look forward to seeing him again. He is a seasoned vocalist and performer…so very good.

Shovels and Rope

The hometown darlings of the festival, Shovels and Rope, took to the stage in matching pink velvet outfits. It was striking on stage and mimicked their bubbly personality and synergy as a couple and musical duo. They garnished the largest crowd of the festival, and the most enthusiastic. Their show was so upbeat and fun as they blend folk, rock and roll and country rock perfectly. It was something to behold.

Heading back to my sittin’ spot. I had fun with my blanket neighbors.

Wandering the crowd to catch Susto, I stumbled upon this lovely family.

Clearly he is a Susto fan with gobs of personality!

Susto

If you have never been to a Susto live show, you are clearly missing out. Dynamic music with psychedelic spaciousness and catchy indie hooks, Susto continues to bring down the house. With a hefty touring schedule they have made a name for themselves all around the world. Even better, they are a Charleston band and had no trouble setting the night on fire in the comfort of their backyard. They warmed up the crowds for the final act, Band of Horses, but more importantly they are clearly ready to headline themselves.

Band Of Horses

What is not to love about this iconic southern rock band? With a catalogue of songs dating back to 2006 and many number one hits, Band of Horses, continues to remain relevant and revered. From soothing sweet love songs to rocking anthems, they bring the crowd to any festival. But on this perfect spring night in North Charleston, they clearly commanded the stage with musical weight. The festival goers swooned to “Noone’s Gonna Love You” and sang-a-long and cheered to their latest hit “In A Drawer”. They even covered a Susto song, “Hard Drugs”. It was a lengthy set and all who stuck it out (not worrying about Monday morning) were totally present and clearly loved it. Me included! I didn’t want the night to end.

A beautiful day, a host of talent, and magnificent people helped to make this year’s High Water Festival a true winner! I didn’t want it to end and didn’t want to face the rainy Monday drive back to Atlanta. Charleston is a magical place and I was able to experience a magical weekend!

Goodnight all!

Cheers!

Be sure to mark your calendars!

High Water Festival 2018 Day Two-Photo Gallery and Recap A week ago I was preparing to travel to Charleston in high anticipation of a wonderful weekend of stellar music, impressive food, camaraderie, and beautiful views.

[themusicenthusiast]

Thursday, September 21st, 2017 – A Capacity Crowd Turns Out to Witness Moon Taxi Launch the Put ‘Em Up Tour at Dallas’ Granada Theater

All photos by Jordan Buford Photography By all accounts, this particular night looked like any normal Thursday. Somewhat surprisingly, there were no lines wrapped around the sides of the building that is the Granada Theater. Getting in was a breeze even at 7:30; a few people milling around the foyer area, while only a handful were scattered around the showroom that can house around a thousand or so music lovers. Things would pick up before long – and rapidly so, as it was still presumably too early for most people. Despite appearances, there had been plenty of warnings giving about the fact that this show was nearly sold out, no one wanting to miss out on Moon Taxi’s largest Dallas show to date. Not only was it the first show the Nashville-based rock outfit would be doing in the area in a year and a half (almost to the day), but the performance on this night was going to set in motion the band’s Put ‘Em Up Tour. Relatively speaking, it’s not often that North Texans get to witness a tour begin, Moon Taxi’s loyal fan base not wanting to let that opportunity slip through their fingers.

Los Coast was the lone opener for the show, the quintet from Austin joining Moon Taxi for their Texas dates. By the time they were through they had almost as many people watching them as the band they were setting the stage for would, the spectators flooding into the venue during the forty-minutes or so they had to play. It took them a few songs to warm up, but once they got going they were on fire. They got pretty animated at times, utilizing the little space they did have; Trey Privott having a mighty voice that ensured the throng of people were listening, at least to some extent. They earned some solid fanfare after they announced they were done; their one flaw being the fact that they didn’t address the crowd until right at the end, then telling them who they were. That’s something that should have been stated near the start and reiterated a few times to make sure everyone there was aware of who they were watching. All the same, the up-and-comers made quite an impression and definitely earned some new fans thanks to their energetic and meticulous performance. But, of course, this night was all about Moon Taxi, and one could feel the excitement and anticipation in the air growing more palpable, especially as the sound check began. By 9:21 they were ready to go, Trevor Terndrup, Tommy Putnam, Spencer Thomson, Tyler Ritter, and Wes Bailey emerging from the back of the stage as some intriguing and somewhat climatic music played, further exciting the concert goers. The five of them assumed their spots and cut to the chase, diving right in with “Mercury”.

That lead track from 2012’s Cabaret worked as a marvelous opener. In combination with the constantly changing lights, which at times provided a burst of near blinding flashes while also dimming to absolute darkness for a fraction of a second, it really helped set a mood. Relaxing and hypnotic at times, the song was every bit as commanding, too; Terndrup raising an arm upwards when the chorus would come around, pointing at the people that had gathered, as if encouraging them to take this journey with them. Everyone was ready. With that opener, the musicians had seemed to find their groove almost immediately, clearly there to entertain and provide the spectators with a spectacle of a performance that would have them talking for a while, something they delivered more and more of with each passing number. The next couple of songs found the band touching on their next two releases, first with a cut from 2013, and then getting to their current record, 2015’s Daybreaker. “You ready to get rowdy?” That was the question Terndrup poised in advance of “Make Your Mind Up��, which would stand out as one of the most riveting songs of the night, and not just because of its infectious qualities and the spellbinding beat that Ritter provided. It was because that was the song where they truly let loose for the first time this night, Bailey earning everyone’s complete attention as he took control with a stunning solo mid song. He frequently played a couple of the three keyboards that surrounded him simultaneously, making it look easy. As the end approached, they five of them undid the restraints, turning the track into an all-out assault, Terndrup hopping about the stage as he wailed on his axe, while Putnam picked the strings of his bass with a certain amount of ferocity balanced out with careful precision.

Moon Taxi was a forced to be reckoned with at that point, that was unquestionable. And as they proceeded, many of the songs to come coming in rapid succession, they would further demonstrate their might and the knack they possess to entertain. “Suspicious”, with its subtle flares of R&B permeating it, would be a favorite of the show, one that established a solid groove and highly encouraged the crowd to just let go and have fun. Indeed, there was some dancing to be seen as everyone just kind of surrendered to the catchiness it boasted. Thomson was crucial to that, the guitarist working his magic perched atop the riser at the back part of the stage, stationed on the opposite end as the drum kit. His playing was methodical and calculated as he helped provide the foundation of the music. A lengthy jam followed that number, the band riffing off the end of it, some hefty percussion serving as the backbone of the piece, while Bailey got downright maniacal on his keys, hammering away at them as if it were the only thing keeping him alive. Suddenly, they made the jump from a rock band with some indie stylings to ‘80s new wave group, busting out a snippet of Eurythmics’, “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”. It was just one chorus, which, honestly, worked best. It was something fun, delighted cheers filling the venue as everyone realized what it was (collectively, at the same moment), though it didn’t subtract from Moon Taxi’s own material. Just being a partial cover, it wasn’t like they had to replace an original in favor of that (as some acts will do), yet they still gave the audience something that everyone in attendance knew.

Everyone was ecstatic at that point, though somehow grew more enthusiastic upon hearing the epic “Year Zero” as it began to unfold. Those songs from Daybreaker find the band at their best yet, so many of the songs collected on that release having some grand components about them that make them feel like anthems or rallying cries, some pop sensibilities mixed in for good measure. “Year Zero” exemplifies that, and in the live environment their supporters could fully appreciate the power and magnificence of it; the fans almost instinctively knowing what to do when Terndrup pointed at them as the track wound down, the patrons chanting the refrain of "Oh oh…" in unison. “Man, it’s a good time up here,” the singer remarked afterwards. Soon asking, “How are y’all doing out there?” As they passed the halfway mark of this 16-song set, Moon Taxi got to some of their biggest hits, the spectators echoing along to every word of “Morocco” before getting put back in the driver’s seat on “River Water”. The ethereal song conveyed a feeling of overwhelming serenity that descended upon the concert goers and enveloped them, making everything, at least in that moment, feel perfect. From clapping along to handling part of the final chorus, “…And we danced in the river water,” the fans made their adoration for that sweet song known, relishing being able to lend a hand with it.

One of the neatest moments of Moon Taxi’s set came as they broke into “Hotel California”, their third cover of the night and the only one that was performed in its entirety. Neat because it demonstrated just how timeless music is, that hit from the Eagles being older than the majority of those that were in attendance. Still, everyone seemed to know it by heart. It was a rousing rendition of the rock staple, one that was true to form for the most part, the guitars, bass and drums exploding in the final moments, while the keys were a significant underlying part of it, helping Moon Taxi leave their own mark on the tune. As the marched on, “Moving to the City” was one of two new songs the outfit offered a glimpse of, that one receiving its Texas debut on this night. The bass was heavy at the start, to the point one could feel the vibrations from it shaking the floor. Moon Taxi has proven to be an ever-evolving project, one that progresses their sound from album to album, and if that cut can be any indicator they’ll be staying true to that with their next record. That song was fairly heavy by Moon Taxi standards, thanks to a thick rhythm section, though it was undeniably theirs, their hallmark style pervading throughout.

The other new song was their latest single and first release since singing to RCA Records, “Two High”. Since its release a few months ago it has quickly become a not just a favorite among fans but even Moon Taxi’s most successful song to date. Uplifting and brimming with hope, it’s easy to understand why it has struck a chord, providing a kind of positivity that everyone needs, offering reassurance that everything can be okay, those feelings and sentiments being personified in the live setting. This performance had been so charged, each song working to make things more electrifying, and once the musicians had people wondering just how it could get any more engrossing, they’d find a way to kick it up another notch or two, constantly managing to outdo themselves. They had set the stage for one phenomenal ending, and as Terndrup waved his arms around, working to get everyone pumped up for what would be the closer of this 75-minute long set, one got the idea that they were about to deliver something stupendous.

They did, “Red Hot Lights” being fiery and driven, Ritter, Putnam, Bailey, Thomson and Terndrup putting everything they had left in them into making the track as dynamic as possible. The blitz at the end ensured that happened, nothing being held back during the vicious end; a word of thanks to the fans preceding their exit. It wasn’t long before they reemerged, answering the calls for an encore, one last track from Daybreaker leading to a grand and exceptional finale. The first show of the tour, and they knocked it out of the park. Moon Taxi excelled at creating an atmosphere this night, the dazzling light show that accompanied the performance doing a great deal to help achieve that, though it certainly wasn’t the only thing. With the exception of a handful of breaks to check on and banter with the crowd, this show was all about the music. For this group, that worked best, allowing them to get into the zone more and more with each song, which in turn allowed them to showcase the tight-knit bond they have as a group while also demonstrating their individual musical prowess.

Each of the five of them proved spellbinding to watch, all doing their own part to finesse the audience. They were in their element up there; Terndrup being a firecracker, the singer and guitarist enjoying breaking from the microphone every chance he got, his voice sounding superb, robust and delicate, all depending on what was required of him at the time. It was clear just why so much hype surrounds Moon Taxi’s live shows, because they put it all on the line and made sure they went the extra mile to give everyone the experience they paid for. But on top of being a spirited group with a ton of vim and vigor, they’re talented songwriters in all respects. That’s not confined just to the lyrics, either. The structure of the music was best appreciated in hearing the songs live. The hooks and riffs woven in are truly something to marvel at. It’s enough to provide an indie or even some pop tones, yet it doesn’t sacrifice the raw rock ‘n’ roll sounds they’re capable of. Therefore, it guarantees the music has a wide-ranging appeal, one that’s tough to pigeonhole into one specific type. Moon Taxi has already played at some of the largest music festivals around (Coachella and Hangout, just to name a few) and have obviously become more recognized because of it. That, as well as their music that demands an ear. And as they embark on their latest run, after a start like this, it sure seems that the sky is the limit for their future successes. The Put ‘Em Up Tour will run through late October, concluding with a two-night stand at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, TN on October 27th and 28th. Other notable stops include Emo's in Austin, TX on September 23rd; the El Rey in Hollywood, CA on September 29th; the Bowery Ballroom in New York, NY on October 17th; and the 9:30 Club in Washington, DC on October 21st. A complete list of their tour dates and further details on the shows can be found HERE. As for Moon Taxi’s music, head over to iTUNES or GOOGLE PLAY to purchase or preview it.

[vangoghwiththeflo]

Two cities, one coast, freezing temperatures, and warm, happy hearts.

Two months ago, my fifteen year old-self’s dream came true as I stepped out of JFK and took my first subway ride to Midtown Manhattan. After several mishaps and route changes, we made it to Columbus Circle where I took my first steps out into the sharp, East Coast weather. Still a bit disoriented from the flight and lugging our suitcases around, the New York City night sky and towering buildings greeted us into its hectic surroundings. After a couple hours of settling in, it was still incredibly hard to let it sink in – I was finally in New York. The city that I’ve fantasized since I fell in love with theater and big cities – I was in the city of big cities so naturally to celebrate – we ate pizza.

I was in New York, eating good food, viewing surreal sites, and I was with my travel mates, Kayla and Erica. It couldn’t get better. I tried adjusting to the forty degree weather by covering up in layers and layers of clothes with the thickest material California shops can produce. After layering my new North Face (which was purchased especially for this trip) over my already marshmallow-like bod – I felt ready to brace the day. As if my tearful eyes and frozen fingers couldn’t take enough – it began to snow. It’s like NYC knew I’d never been under falling snow so it granted me a day’s nonstop flurry of falling frozen cotton balls. My mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that cars were completely covered in white dust and it still didn’t stop falling, so I reacted as any Southern Californian would – by sacrificing my already freezing hands and trying to the best of my ability to throw a small, weak snowball at my closest target, Kayla.

Although the snowfall wouldn’t seize, we took advantage of the beautiful white city and continued with our tourism because Kayla, Erica, & Georgina have seen it all. We’ve walked around in city circles looking for our hostels, ran across busy streets in Edinburgh, partied in the sketchiest of bars in London, so a few feet of snow wouldn’t stop us from seeing lady liberty and visiting the fallen twin towers.

  Our days in New York City progressed as we continued to see the biggest sights along with the beautiful “The Phantom of the Opera.” Next, we met up with our nighttime city guide, Kevin.

An enormous part of why I am so grateful for the friendships I’ve made abroad is because of that component that nothing has changed. These are the type of friendships where you haven’t seen each other in months (in Kevin’s case – over a year), yet it feels like nothing has changed. As we sat in Kevin’s cousin’s Irish bar, I remember telling myself, “These are my friends and I love them. If this much time has passed by and we’re still in eachother’s lives – there’s no telling what and where our future holds.” We sat each with a drink, talking about our current lives, reminiscing about our past life together, and planning our futures – still I could have sworn we were back in our flat kitchen, dancing to beyonce and drinking a cuppa. But we weren’t – I was in the city of my dreams with my best abroad mates and it couldn’t get any better. Until we started to say goodbye to each other – reality hit. Kevin left to his home and a day later Erica went back to Minnesota. And so forth, Kayla and I commenced onto a separate journey to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

We stood in line for our $20 Megabus ride to Philly in (what felt like) the freezing cold. I remembered in panic that I hadn’t called my dad to let him know I was leaving the state of New York – no big deal. Except as I called to tell him, I couldn’t feel my toes as I was sure they had frozen solid. We hopped on to the double decker and arrived to Philly in about two hours. The start of our trip was chill despite the chilled weather. Oi. We walked around Old City Philly and saw historical landmarks like the Liberty Hall – where we saw a chair that George Washington himself once sat in (#buttjuice) and learned about the story behind the Liberty Bell crack, ran up the “Rocky” steps in an attempt of making a cool Snapchat video to find out my phone had died right before getting the chance to save it. Aside from all of the American history, I loved the total hipster vibe among the street murals and small, independent record/book shops. As our day of walking around Philly came to an end, we decided to have a drink in a small bar near our hostel and call it a night as we would be waking up at the crack of dawn to catch our bus back to NYC.

However, like most times, the funnest nights are the ones that aren’t ever planned.

  As we were heading back to our hostel, I began making my peace with the snow since I knew tomorrow morning I’d be way too groggy and cranky to appreciate the cold, wet ice seeping into my shoes and socks. We arrived to our hostel to find out it was karaoke night and our hostel mate from Australia thought we should tag along so without thinking twice, we threw our shoes back on and heaved ourselves back into the Philly nighttime cold. What was going to be a night of packing, showering, and getting a good night sleep turned into a night of bar hopping and singing Beyonce and Queen at the top of our lungs. Because I had never done karaoke before, I was naturally skeptical about performing in front of all of my hostel mates, however, after compromising with our hostel mates that we’d sing a song if they’d sing a song – we accepted the spotlight and killed our mediocre performance of Queen’s most famous song. In turn, it was worth it after seeing our hostel mates rock out to Beyonce and imitate Elvis Presley. The night was soon to be over until we trudged along across the street to yet another Irish pub.

In the Irish pub, there seemed to just be a family hanging out who were from (you guessed it) Ireland – a man who owned the bar, a woman and man who were visiting their son who had been living in Philly for the past year. We started talking to the woman and we basically became best friends instantly. A majority of the night was spent talking to her about our studies and travels abroad and about her son trying to make it big as a singer.

The pub owner would disappear into his office and return with lyric sheets as he encouraged the man and woman’s son to sing traditional Irish music. Eventually, the man kept disappearing and appearing with more and more lyric sheets of various songs as we all started to sing along. This pub full of an Irish family and young hostel habitants transformed into a cultural and exciting nighttime adventure. As the morning arrived, we decided it was time to head back so we said goodbye to our Irish friends and exchanged information as one day we may possibly visit each other in our home states. Her excitement as she turned to her husband and said, “I have friends from Texas and California now,” gave me the joy of what traveling is all about – meeting people from not just the local areas, but from around the world and connecting these paths that interchange more often than one would think.

  After a night of two hours of sleep, we jumped back onto the bus and watched the East Coast sunrise as we entered the city once again. Because our flights were that same day, we took our time in finding our way back to JFK, saying goodbye to NYC and its subway. Once on the airtrain, Kayla and I said our goodbyes and parted ways toward our terminals.

Days of adventures, delicious food, confusing subway rides, and frozen toes – I wouldn’t have asked for a different experience. I was with the people I loved, doing what we did best – traveling while making the best of what we had, which was usually our breathtaking surroundings and our incredible, timeless friendship.

P.S. Below are some of my favorite art pieces from the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA):

I wish I had saved artists’ names. :(

            below freezing with a smile Two cities, one coast, freezing temperatures, and warm, happy hearts. Two months ago, my fifteen year old-self's dream came true as I stepped out of JFK and took my first subway ride to Midtown Manhattan.